1.  The lie that: Your standards are too high.

Ok.  So shouldn’t they be?  Honestly, you would think a person was not in their right mind if they told you “I have LOW standards.”  When people tell you your standards are too high, the silent subtext of the conversation could, in fact, be this:

• They are imposing their belief system about themselves and their worth onto you. 
• They don’t feel they deserve more or could attract better, so neither should you.
• They may be intentionally attacking your self-esteem to make you feel bad.
• They don’t feel you are as valuable as you believe yourself to be. 
• They settled for less and really don’t want you to have anything better than they have.

Food for thought:  Question the reasons and the motives why anyone would suggest that your standards are too high.  You are entitled to your standards.  It is your right to decide who and what you choose to invite into your life.  You also may need to question whether or not that person is adding value or pain to your life.

2.  The lie that: You are too picky.

Again, this is very similar to Item No. 1. However, we will add that you should be very clear on what is acceptable to you and what your non-negotiables are. Once you are clear, do not seek validation or approval from others about what you want.  Just make sure you are exhibiting what you are seeking and you will attract what you are looking for.

3.  The lie that: You are too set in your ways.

This is a scare tactic.  We all have certain idiosyncrasies to our personalities.  You may like things neat and tidy and even enjoy having ‘your own space.’  That is ok.  It does not mean you are incapable of inviting in the love of your life to share your own space with you.  And, marriage is a great teacher.  The union itself will help you (if you allow it) to expand your ways.  It reminds me of when parents say they loved their first child so much, they could not imagine how they could love another child as much.  And when additional children arrive, their heart just keeps expanding to love them all.  You are not too set in your ways.  Love will expand any ‘set ways’ you may have.

4.  The lie that: All the ‘good ones’ are taken.

No they aren’t.  There are plenty of quality single men looking for quality single women.  If all you are coming across are the ‘bad ones,’ you need to immediately stop whatever it is you are doing and wherever it is you are going and create a strategy to put yourself in the places where ‘the good ones,’(quality men) are.  Men with interests and goals that are similar to yours.  Men who enjoy the femininity of women.  Men who want a committed, loving relationship.

5.  The lie that: Something must be wrong with him if he is over 35 and single or divorced.

Not true.  People are getting married later.  We know several men that have focused on their careers or other life goals and decided to put off marriage until they had several achievements in place.  Also, in the case of someone divorced, there is the hope that there would have been lessons learned and the desire to not repeat whatever situations led to the end of their first marriage.

6.  The lie that: The Universe has bigger plans for you than getting married.

It doesn’t.  The universal experience of all women, everywhere, is their menstrual cycle.  What is its purpose?  To reproduce.  What do you need to reproduce, a man.  If there is a ‘universal plan’ for you, that is it.  And that is not to say that all women will have children; can have children; or even should have children.  However, our biology is ‘universal.’

7.  The lie that: You should love unconditionally.

Where did this even come from?  No way ladies!  Put conditions on your love.  Love is fulfilled in action.  If a person says they love you then the way you are treated should feel like love, look like love and sound like love. Period. Conditions provide clarity and remove any confusion about what you require.  Conditions are a good thing!

8.  The lie that: If you date outside of your race or ethnicity you are a sellout.

Not true.  Find love where love finds you.  It may not come in the ‘packaging’ you were expecting.  We recommend for anyone that has decided they will not have a relationship outside of their race or ethnic group that they revisit that decision every 6 months.  You may be exposed to people and situations that may just change your mind about that.  Also, if anyone makes you feel like you are a sellout because you decided not to limit yourself or your prospects, you may want to question their motivation to have you limit your choices and options.

9.  The lie that: You are better off being single.

You, of course, already know that there are benefits to being married and benefits to being single.  However, when married people tell you that you are better off single, it is likely because they are in an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage.  Don’t buy into their discouragement.  Their experience will not be your experience.  You can find a loving mate and have a happy marriage.  Just make sure you choose well so you don’t find yourself one day telling others they are better off single.

10.  The lie that: You don’t need a man.

Well, there is an element of truth to this statement.  You don’t NEED a man for the things women traditionally needed men for in times past, such as financial security, property ownership, etc.  However, if you want loving companionship, a partner on your life journey, someone that has your back, there is no greater joy than having the love of your life in your life.  So in that context, needing a man is a good thing and perfectly acceptable.

Let me know what you think.  Feel free to post your comment.

That said, I know some of you reading this may also be apprehensive about what’s to come.

How would you feel if 2012 were no different from 2011?

Would you be completely satisfied or does the very thought of that make you sad and frustrated?

Have you already decided that THIS year, you will keep your resolutions to get healthy, make more money, save more money, and/or meet the man of your dreams?

The truth is, most people don’t keep their New Year’s resolutions. The grind of life’s stresses and problems coupled with old habits and patterns that don’t require us to change, tend to condition us to keep things just the way they are.

So, instead of a resolution, start a Revolution!

Reset your life in a Revolutionary way for 2012!

What will your Revolutionary Reset entail?

Decide now on what needs to change and write it down.

Next, decide how you will action YOUR Revolution.

The actions you put in place are how YOUR Revolution will become YOUR reality in 2012.

Then ask yourself these questions:

Do I truly believe I deserve to live my vision of me?

Do I have the support I need in place for my personal Revolution or do I need assistance?

Am I clear on how I will deal with the potential obstacles and saboteurs to my success?

Knowing the answers to those questions are crucial to 2012 being different, better, happier and more successful.

I hope you make 2012 YOUR Revolutionary year! And, I look forward to supporting you on your Revolutionary Journey.

To your Revolutionary Truth!

Maura is an attractive, now 30 year old, marketing executive of Irish descent.  And, Maura is an EXTREMELY talented writer.

Maura had been dating and dating and not finding her Mr. Right, which made her frustrated, sad and irritated.  So she decided to do something about it.

She very bravely opened up about her life and adventures in a blog entitled MauraMeToLove.

She shared everything.

The deep and abiding love of her very close-knit family.

Her childhood spent competing in Irish “River Dance” style competitions.

Her college years.

Her trips to Chicago, Miami and Washington D.C.

Her love of the movie Rudy.  Her obsession with the music trio Hanson.  Yes, Hanson!  Remember them?

And her ever daunting pursuit to be single no more.

All of her stories were captivating and endearing.  Either because they were hilariously funny or deeply touching in the way that anyone who is now, or has ever been, frustrated about being single knows all too well.

Her chronicles of Match.com “matches” were, in my opinion, the most hilarious.  You just could not make up some of her experiences.

Along with writing her blog, Maura decided to make major changes in her life.

She decided to get healthy and began to eat and exercise in a manner designed to do just that.  She became vegetarian. Maura lost 30 pounds and accomplished the amazing feat of running a marathon!

So, why is this married Author, Coach and Blogger writing an Ode to MauraMeToLove?

To encourage YOU!

Maura decided to take charge of her life.  To change and control what she could, as outlined above.

She was not and is not happy about being single.  But she is a happy person.  She went to great lengths to increase her own personal happiness and joy.

She became honest with herself and took responsibility for what she needed to change interpersonally.

In fact, I would venture to say that today, she would not want the man who would have been attracted to her before she went on her journey of self-discovery.  Because chances are, he would not have been the man she would want now.

Maura knows herself on a much deeper level.  Settling is not an option.

She recently decided that her blog had served its purpose in her life and she stopped writing it.  Her subscribers posted comments that were truly touching, loving and supportive.

I too, had to let her know just how much I had enjoyed being on the journey with her, via her blog.  I sent her an email to say that I was both sad to see it go (I really love her writing style) but happy about the reasons why she was letting it go.

So this is my Ode to Maura Me To Love!

A woman who knows The Truth About Being Single and is choosing to pursue her own personal happiness and embrace this space and time in her life until her Mr. Right shows up.

I recently saw Dianne Keaton on ABC’s The View promoting her new book, an autobiography.

A particular part of the interview stood out to me.  Why?  Well, Dianne Keaton told Barbara Walters and the other ladies that though she never married, she had  in fact desired and hoped for marriage.

Dianne Keaton has had relationships with leading Hollywood players such as Woody Allen, (who wrote Annie Hall for her), Warren Beatty and Al Pacino, just to name a few.  When asked if she had ever wanted to get married to any of them, her answer was “yes.”

In fact, she went on to say that said she had actually given one of her boyfriends the ultimatum to “marry me or else.”  That man, she said, “basically told me to hit the road.”

I immediately gathered from her story that this very successful, very talented Hollywood actress did not know how simple The Truth About Being Single is.

Ladies, if you feel you must issue a man an ultimatum, he is not the man for you.

I am sure the men named above, wined and dined Dianne and showed her the best time money could buy.  However, they all proved to simply be one ‘Mr. Right Now’ after another.  In the end, what she truly desired, a marriage mate, eluded her.

I would say that had she known herself better, she might have actually gotten married.   At the very least, she would not have spent her time, energy and love on men who ultimately would not be her husband and would not be what she really wanted.

Whoopi Goldberg told Dianne “it seems like the relationships just fizzled out.”   Dianne agreed.

The statement they “just fizzled out” really speaks for itself.

I think of two things when I think of something that fizzles out.  Either there was a roaring hot fire that once it peaked, slowly but surely waned and died out.  Or a spark that never fully ignited or picked up enough momentum to be much of anything.

When I thought about that in the context of a relationship, it made me want to make sure to continue to encourage you to hold out for the slow and steady, ever warming fire that real love is.

In the end, Dianne did not appear to be sad or reticent to me, but she did seem like she has resigned herself to putting the desire for marriage behind her.  She even stated a couple of times that she is “just not good at relationships.”

I would say she has never come across “Mr. Right for her.”

When you are with someone who complements you, the relationship becomes the teacher wherein you both learn how to be the mate and partner the other wants and needs.

So, keep looking Dianne!  You can still get married and be a wife.

It is never too late for love with the Right man.   NEVER!

What could she have done differently?

She could have (and should have) been kind and loving to herself. Her thinking should have centered on the person she is today, a beautiful 50 year old woman, who is full of compassion (for others), wisdom and lots of love.

One problem we as women tend to have is the compelling need to be in fierce competition with our former selves. How many times have you said to yourself, “if only I looked the way I did 10 or 20 years ago?” Or maybe you have been at the beach observing 25 year olds in their bikinis, all the time lamenting the fact that your body no longer looks that way.

Ladies, let’s stop being in competition with our former selves. Let’s not live in the past. Let’s embrace the present. Please, stop damaging your self-worth and your self-esteem by doing so. Stop persecuting yourself with “if only.”

We want to challenge you to stop longing for the former you and give yourself permission to love and enjoy the person you are now.

If you do this one thing for yourself, we promise you, you will have a more fulfilling life. Remember this is your time to not let anything or anyone (especially you) get in the way of making these the best years of your life.

Want to maximize your attraction?  We have outlined 10 things below that you can implement right away.  We will expand on these in greater detail individually in upcoming posts.  In the meantime try these now.

1. Focus your thoughts and energies on the present. You cannot attract what is in the past or the future.  Attraction is present based.  For example, if you’re feeling guilt, your mind is probably in the past. If you are feeling fear, your mind is likely in the future.
2. Add value just for the joy of it. Be generous.  Give more, be more and do more than is expected of you. Generosity is attractive.
3. Own your strengths and talents. Do not be ashamed to let people know what you are good at. Not from a proud or haughty place, but from a place where you can be of service to others.
4. Become irresistibly attractive to yourself. It is impossible to attract others if you do not feel irresistibly attractive to yourself.
5. Get a fulfilling life, not just an impressive lifestyle. A fulfilling life cannot be faked.
6. Get your personal needs met once and for all. If you have unmet needs, you’ll attract others in the same position. This is something you have to learn how to do. It is not common sense or common knowledge.
7. Tolerate nothing. Tolerations are energy drains. Drained energy is not attractive.
8. Show others how to please you. It is not fair to make them guess.
9. Perfect your environment. Create spaces that make you feel cherished, nurtured, welcomed and loved.
10. Orient yourself around your values. When you spend time doing what you love and what makes you happy and fulfilled, you are attractive.